he just became like 50% carrot
“gay baby jail” is a joke rich with many layers of humor.
how can you tell if a baby is gay? why would a baby go to jail? why is there a jail specifically for gay babies? what crime could a gay baby have committed? are these crimes so common that a jail must specifically be built for gay babies? the questions are endless.
*points to bedroom* This is where we frick frack.
*points to kitchen* This is where we snick snack.
*points to living room* This is where we kick back.
*points to bathroom* This is where we shit shat.
*points to couch* This is where we chit chat.
*points to computer* This is where we click clack.
*points to shelf* This is where we knick knack.
*points to sex dungeon* This is where we paddy-whack.
I’ve made some good WoW puns in my day but the best I ever did was
"Jaina Proudmore has an irritating sleeping habit."
TODAY ON, “I DIDN’T REALIZE I WAS INTO THAT.”
some of the most sensitive areas of the female body
look at all the regions that are not titties and vagina guys
porn has lied to you. there are other places you can touch that sensitive and pleasurable.
Oh yeah because I’m just gonna rub her eyes until a she’s horny
Kiss her there you walnut! Use tenderness! Hold her face gently and stroke her eyelids with your thumb and then kiss them! Run your hands down to her neck when you do! THINK!!! Lordie, you have a lot to learn that TOUCH gives more than making her “horny” you’ll drive her nuts doing gentle stuff! It’s trust! It’s care! It’s sensitivity! *smacks your forehead* You want her to be numb in complete ecstasy! I know this shit and I’m ASEXUAL!
Reblogging purely for the beautiful use of the word “walnut” as an insult.
I Have No Plot But I Know Which Groceries These Characters Would Buy: A Tale of Misplaced Priorities
people complain about people “faking disabilities”
you know what happens way more often than people faking disabilities?
people pretending not to be disabled so they won’t get treated like shit
"In the end Tommy consented to let me wear the “primitive” sunglasses. I still think it’s hilariously strange that it’s never revealed in the film what Mark does for a living, or where exactly he lives, or why he smokes Rooftop weed, or why he tries to kill Peter, or why he so suddenly turns against Johnny late in the film, or where he and Johnny take Chris-R, or why he does any number of things. He’s a character without a head and without a tail. In terms of characterization, Mark makes André Toulon look like the English Patient."
"Walking into the condo set for my big, freshly shaved close-up was almost certainly my low point in the film. If you look at my face in the dailies, you can detect the precise moment in which my dreams of being an actor are summarily snuffed out. Having to caress my own chin as Johnny and Denny ooh and aah over my freshly shaven face was the most embarrassing scene I’ve ever done or will ever do. I had no idea why Tommy was so anxious to film this scene, until he called me Babyface during one take—the take he wound up using.
The rest of the sequence is just as bad. Not only are the tuxes unexplained, but Tommy had Peter and me arrive one after the other, my doorbell ring coming right on top of his, as though we’re emerging from a clown car on the other side of the door. When Tommy said he wanted us all to end the scene doing his ridiculous chicken imitation—flapping our arms, saying “cheep-cheep”—I almost walked off the set. In the end I gave it everything I had, which was nothing. I barely opened my mouth at all; I moved my arms even less. You really do have to admire the comparative gusto with which Philip cheep-cheeped.”
"Well past everyone’s bedtime, we finally finished this emotionally exhausting sequence. Next up was the scene in which I had to say to Steven, “Leave your stupid comments in your pocket!” The line wasn’t remotely sayable. I couldn’t imagine even Liam Neeson saying this line convincingly. Tommy gave me a brief reprieve from attempting to deliver the line, however, when he decided that he wanted another scene of me and Juliette kissing.
In the original script, Mark tells Peter to keep his stupid comments in his pocket, but this confrontation does not piggyback on Peter’s catching Mark and Lisa secretly canoodling on the couch at Johnny’s birthday party. Peter doesn’t need to catch Mark and Lisa because he already knows they’re romantically involved. But now that the character of Steven had entered the picture, the film needed a moment of discovery, and that moment of discovery had to turn on Mark and Lisa groping each other on the couch. In a way I was impressed: For once, Tommy had accurately identified and worked to solve a plot hole in his own script. The first couple of times I tried to say “Leave your stupid comments in your pocket,” the words just didn’t come. I felt paralyzed, as though I were apologizing to some future audience. The line seemed a violation of drama, of cinema, of language itself. Every time I looked at Juliette she could see how hard I was concentrating. This always made her laugh, at which point we had to start all over again.
After one calamitous take, I asked Tommy if we could go with another line. Byron backed me up on this: “Wouldn’t ‘Shut the fuck up!’ work a lot better?” But whenever Tommy was questioned about his script, he doubled down. He wasn’t going to let any of us move on until he had this ridiculous line of dialogue in the can.
“The problem,” Tommy told me, “is that you’re not upset. No emotion. You need to be upset!”
“No,” I said. “The problem is the line doesn’t work.”
“The line,” Tommy said, “work just fine.”
Byron and I exchanged a long, complicated look of shared misery. Then Byron shrugged. “Guess you gotta give the man what he wants.”
I tried it again.
“It’s not enough!” Tommy said. “Not enough! Not at all enough!”
As we set up again, this was what I told myself: If you can land this pointless, nonsensical line, you will be one step closer to the end and forgetting about this whole experience. What are you even worried about? No one’s going to see this thing. It’s going to sit on a shelf in Tommy’s house. It’s not going to kill you. They’re just words. Leave your stupid comments in your pocket. See? Easy.
“Come on, Greg!” Tommy said when I tried again. “You’re not upset!”
“Actually,” I said, “I am upset!”
“Then give me something, dammit!”
So I imagined I was saying the line to Tommy, and then changed all the words in my head: “Leave [Why] your [are] stupid [you] comments [doing] in [this] your [to] pocket [me?]!” On the next take, no surprise, I nailed it. Well, maybe not nailed it, but the words came out with real, spitting-cobra force. In some sense, saying the line felt like an exorcism of every terrible Room experience I’d had up until that point.
“I’m not saying it again,” I said, walking away from the camera. “I’m done.” A decade later, the phrase I had such trouble wrapping my mind around, much less saying aloud, has at least three Urbandictionary.com entries.”
Police continue to make arrests at Ferguson protest.
Take note: The moment people stopped reblogging and tweeting and writing news articles and calling attention to Ferguson, they brought back the armored cars. It is not over. They were waiting for the world to lose interest and knew it would.
Re-reblogging for that last part
aka im a terrible person
what if giraffes lived underwater
what a majestic creature
It would explain nessie
Oh my God. I have been waiting literally over a year to use this gif, and before I do, I want to thank you for the opportunity.
yOU FUFCKGN ASSHOEL I JUTS SPIT MY LATTE ON MY TABLET F UCK TOUOYU JESUS CHRIST
Best post I’ve seen this month
It’s important to know your rights.